Akatsuki Troubles
by Comedyfanatic
Summary: With Itachi getting pranks pulled on him, Deidara being an air headed idiot, Zetsu rigging over rated poker games, and Sasori ignoring everyone's insanity, this is sure to end badly...VERY badly. Fear my ebilness. And my random coments.
1. The Crisis Begins

**_Akatsuki Troubles_**

"But Sasori-dana..." moaned Deidara

"No buts." snapped Sasori. "It was your fault in the first place that we got toilet scrubbing duty."

"But if I scrub the toilet with my bare hands like you said I should, my little mouths will get dirty!" whined Deidara.

"Oh well." replied Sasori. "Next time think before you put itching powder into Itachi's underwear drawer and frame me for it! Now get scrubbing!"

"Stupid...I'm the greatest...I shouldn't be treated this way!" muttered Deidara.

**Meanwhile..**.

"Damn that stupid Deidara!" yelled Itachi, itching his butt at an incredible pace. "I'll get him for this. Him and his ring leader Sasori too!"

"Uh Itachi..." said Kisame, stifling a laugh. "Is now the best time to tell you have "I'm Stoopid" printed on your forehead in sharpie?"

"ARRRRRRRGH!"

"What on earth was that?!" Yelled Deidara.

"I have no idea." said Sasori, hiding a grin.

**Meanwhile...**

"Ha ha ha!" laughed Zetsu's good side. "A royal flush. Pay up sucker!"

"This game is over rated." said Kakuza. "I'm leaving."

"Be that way you bastard!" shouted Zetsu's bad side.

**Even Meanwhiler...**

"See Hidan?" said Tobi. "It's not that hard. Now you try it."

"Ok..." said Hidan.

WHAM!

"Oh crap!" yelled Tobi.

"I did it!" rejoiced Hidan.

"You idiot!" screeched Tobi.

"What?" asked Hidan, as puzzled as ever.

"It's one thing to tipi a tree..." said Tobi. "But did you have to tipi a police car?!"

**You've met them all, now time for some interviews.**

Interviewing dude(I'm only typing this name once, so live with it): So, Sasori. What are your opinions on the other members?

Sasori: Well, Deidara's a total air headed bastard you looks like a girl-

Deidara: I heard that!

Sasori: Go swallow a 7 ton toilet, you stupid whiner! Ahem, anyway, Kakuza is always brooding over his money problems. He'd jump off the empire state building for five frickin bucks. Itachi's okay I guess... but he always wears that creepy nail polish... freaks me out... Zetsu is the wierdest off us. He used to have the demon of a cat, but our leader Yondaime (top secret info. The Naruto cops are probably after me already for sharing this) Thought it was weird so he shoved a venus fly trap on his head...

Flash Back thingy off doom

Zetsu: Hey guys!

Itachi: What in lords name are you?! It's not Halloween yet!

Zetsu: I know. This is my demon. Like it?

Yondaime: I have a present for you. You'll have to close your eyes though.

Zetsu: Okay! I love surprises...

Yondaime: (shoves fly trap on Zetsu's head) My work here is done.

Sasori: And that's how that turned out. Tobi just begged and begged to be in the Akatsuki so we let him in after he groveled a great deal. And now what does he do? Go around throwing rolls of toilet paper at people. Sheesh! Hidan's always meditating, and Kisame folows Itachi like some loyal dog. I sometimes think I'm the only sane one here...

And why do you think you personally came to the akatsuki?

Sasori: Well, I'd show another flash back thingy of doom, but I don't feel like it. I came here because...um...because Masashi Kishimoto wrote that I should be.

Well that sure was helpful.

Sasori: Shut up and stick to the questions!

Ok ok... What motivated you to join the akatsuki?

Sasori: Isn't that practically the same question you asked before?

Darn...Well, thank you for your time. We've got others to interview. Thank you.

Sasori: Yeah, you better appreciate it.

Now, Deidara, why were you partnered with Sasori?

Deidara: Because-

Sasori: Because idiots and sensible people are often paired together!

Deidara: It takes one to know one you jerk off!

It seems to be an uneasy relationship. Anyway, why did you join the akatsuki? Hopefully you'll give a better answer than Sasori...

Deidara: Well, I joined because I got vintage nail polish from Itachi as a bribe to join.

Okayyyyyy... What do you treasure most in life?

Deidara: My hair conditioner. I couldn't live without it.

Sasori: See? That proves it! He's a retarded gay freak!

Itachi: You'll pay for putting that itching powder were you did! Now die!

Deidara: Gotta go!

Uh...and that somewhat concludes out interviews for today. Join us next time.

Deidara: No! Not my hair! My precious hair! All it's radiance... gone!

Itachi: Clay will do that to you.

Deidara: What are you...?! Not up my nose!

Nightshade's corner

I apologize for this chapters shortness.

So far, we've interviewed Sasori and Deidara, and Deidara got one of his clay falcons shoved up his nose. Tune in next time for a pillow fight that no pillow fights can compare to! (There happens to be a lot of that sorta thing in my comics)


	2. Kisame's on the Menu

**_Akatsuki Troubles_**

I will now be launching into my usual "comic" speak of doom. So fear me. RAWR. Oh, and my thanks to Sasoku darkheart you helped me write this.

Deidara: Itachi will pay for what he did to my the golden luster of my hair! And I spent good money on that clay too! This is war!

Itachi: (is humming)

Deidara: Die! (Throws pillow) Yahahahaha! ...huh?!

Itachi: (poofs into log)

Deidara: Nuts! A substitution!

Itachi: (appears behind Deidara) I suppose you already hold a grudge against me, and I know this will only make it worse but...(shoves more clay up Deidara's nose) It's just so fun doing it that I can't stop!

Deidara: By dose! By'll bet you for this!!!

Kisame: Not if I have anything to do with it! Take this! (Shoves clay in Deidara's ears) Ha! Victory belongs to me!

Deidara: What?!

Kisame: It would be a much more satisfying victory if he could hear me gloat. But I saved Itachi-san! (Nuzzles Itachi like annoying puppy)

Itachi: I didn't need your help. And Don't touch me. (Chucks Kisame)

Zetsu: I'm walking on sunsh-OH GOD! (Is hit by flying Kisame)

Deidara: Errgg! (Clay pops out of ears and nose) Now I shall smite you all!

Zetsu: What is this stupid piece of crap?! I don't want a shark impersonating a puppy! I want destruction! (Takes out one black pillow and one white pillow)

Itachi: Meh. I've taken on tougher. You'll go down to that big flaming pit in hell.

Hidan: I believe you've halted my meditation. For this you shall pay dearly. (Charges with trident pillow)

Kakuza: I'm willing to bet on who wins this thing. A hundred dollars on Zetsu. Anyone willing to bet? Anyone? Crap...another ploy foiled.

Itachi: Moon raider! Pillow style! (Summons shadow clones who all poke Deidara really hard)

Deidara: Why does everything happen to me?

Tobi: Hi everyo-good lord! (Ducks just in time to avoid high flying Kisame)

Kisame: Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Shark man! (Crashes through window)

Tobi: Whew. That was- (is hit by trident pillow) Gack!

Sasori: (walks around corner) Holy...?! Oh jeez. Well, I knew this would happen sooner or later. (Whips out petrified pillow) Prepare to meet your maker!

Tobi: (looks at pillow) Made in China. Cool! Are we going to China?!

Itachi: Alright Sasori. You're the last to join so you're the first to die! Black fire!

Sasori: (cringes)

Itachi: Huh? What happened? Isn't all powerful fire supposed to- Yaaaaaahhhh! (Eyes get set on fire) Get it off! Get it off!

Kisame: Fear not Itachi-san! I shall put a halt to your pain! (Puts on red cape) For I am...Shark man!

Kakuza: Did anyone see Zetsu?

Meanwhile...

T.V.: Next, you remove the fish's intestines. Do a proper job of it or it won't taste good. Then add garlic sauce and onions.

Zetsu: (mouth watering) Fish... If only we could find a fish big enough to fill our stomachs...

Kisame: Hey Zetsu! Aren't you going to...uh, Zetsu?

Zetsu: He looks big enough! Yes...let's eat him!

Kisame: What are you watch- (sees dead fish) Good lord no! You've gone over to the dark side of cooking!

Zetsu: Yahahahahah!

A while later...

Kisame: (is in a stew pot) Zetsu! Don't do this to me! I'm your friend, remember?

Zetsu: Yes...yes I remember now...I'm so sorry! (Mournful music plays) So very sorry...

Kisame: It's okay...I forgive you...

And just when you think It's going to be a touching scene...

Zetsu: (turns on pot) But not sorry enough!

Kisame: Noooooooooooooo! I'm melting...melting!

Zetsu: Good. That means you're simmering properly. The man in the box is always right.

Kisame: You mean the guy in the T.V.?

Zetsu: Yes, him. Uh oh. We forgot to take the intestines. No matter. It will still satisfy us...(starts drooling)

Meanwhile...

Sasori: So Itachi. Looks like it's just me and you.

Itachi: Yeah...two equals battling to the end. (Zooms out to show everyone else with x eyes)

Both: But I know your weakness...

Itachi: Oh yeah? Try me.

Sasori: I think I will...

Both: Look! A bologna sandwich!

Sasori: Where!

Itachi: Does it have mustard? I loooooove mustard.

Sasori: Gasp! You just said you loved something! (Faints)

Itachi: An empty victory, but a victory none the less.

Zetsu: (comes out of kitchen) Dinner's ready!

Everyone: Alright!

Itachi: Doesn't Kisame usually make dinner?

Zetsu: Yes, but today he **is** dinner! (Opens platter to reveal Kisame sliced into sushi)

Itachi: 0o I'll go puke now...

Sasori: I love sea food. This should taste good. (Takes bite) Mmmmmmm...

Zetsu: Like it? The secret ingredient is to sorta accidentally forgot to take out the intestines.

Sasori: Hurk...! I'll be joining Itachi now...

Kakuza: This is shark right? I could sell this on Ebay. Shark's valuable to some people.

Zetsu: Well I cooked it! I should get some money too!

Kakuza: Fine. We'll split it 10-90, okay?

Zetsu: Nice doing business with yah! Heh heh...I get a whole ten percent of the money! He got ripped off!

Kakuza: I love doing business with idiots...

Itachi: Augggggg...I'll never eat sea food again...

Sasoku: You must eat your fish for a balanced diet.

Itachi: What the?! You aren't supposed to be here!

Sasoku: I'm not. I'm your conscience.

Itachi: But I don't have a conscience.

Sasoku: I know. I'm just here to plague your life for no real reason.

Itachi: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(gasps)ooooooooooooooooooo!

Sasoku: You should really-

Sasori: (opens door which hits Sasoku) Dude, I don't believe what Zetsu did!

Itachi: I know! It was so cruel to boil a fellow comrade...even if he was an idiot.

Sasori: No, I don't care about that. He didn't take out the intestines first!

Itachi: Oh god, and I was starting to feel better too...

Sasoku: (comes out from behind door) Gasp...wheez...

Sasori: Who's that?!

Itachi: It's my conscience.

Sasori: But you don't ha-

Itachi: I know, I know. He's free lancing.

Sasoku: I'll have to bring reinforcements. Just you wait akatsuki. Just you wait!

Kakuza: What was that?

Itachi: My conscience.

Kakuza: But you don't ha-

Itachi: I KNOW!

Kakuza: Jeez...there might be something wrong with your uvula. I'll fix it for 1,000 bucks up front, and another 2 grant after.

Itachi: Hell no. If I want surgery done, I'd rather have George Bush do it.

Sasori: If that guy was going to call for reinforcements, who would he call anyway?

Itachi: Well, he's too stupid to kn-what's that?

Sasori: (looks at void in bathroom) I don't know...

Suddenly...FLUUUUUSH!

Nightshade: (comes out of toilet) That's the last time I listen to you go on about "toilet travel" Sasoku. So much for the big dramatic entrance!

Itachi: Good lord no...

Sasori: Man that is disgusting. Who would have thought of appearing through the toilet? That totally ruins all subtleness you ever had. Not that you had any in the first place.

Nightshade: (glares at Sasoku)

Sasoku: Look, it was just an idea!

Nightshade's Corner

Nightshade: So what did you think of that?

Sasoku: You didn't have to hit me with the plunger...that was un-called for...

Nightshade: Stop your freakin whining. Join us next time for more random crap. Gawd...sometimes I don't know how I come up with this stuff...


End file.
